


Your arm in mine, I walked down a million stairs at least

by Hikary



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexuality Spectrum, Background ReiGisa - Freeform, Background Relationships, Canon Compliant, Consensual Underage Sex, Cuddling & Snuggling, Incest, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Open Relationships, Platonic Cuddling, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Safe Sane and Consensual, Sibling Incest, ace!Hiyori, background AsaKisu, background MakoHaru, background Sourin - Freeform, ikuya's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:47:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29816226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hikary/pseuds/Hikary
Summary: « Are we there yet, aniki? »« Almost. »« Mh mh » Ikuya nodds, diligently; and then « How much longer? » he asks, out of curiosity, because he doesn’t really care about anything when he is holding Natsuya’s hand.« Just a little bit longer, ‘kay? »The sun’s got nothing on his big brother’s smile.Ikuya and Natsuya being chaotically in love over three decades.
Relationships: Kirishima Ikuya & Kirisima Natsuya & Tono Hiyori, Kirishima Ikuya & Nanase Haruka, Kirishima Ikuya/Kirishima Natsuya, Kirishima Ikuya/Tono Hiyori, Kirishima Natsuya/Serizawa Nao
Comments: 10
Kudos: 6





	Your arm in mine, I walked down a million stairs at least

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday to my ray of darkness, my twilight, my source of angst, my beautiful swimming boy, my ‘go straight to jail’ card, my pride and joy ♥ You’ve been the best self-therapy I could ask for and you still are ♥ (if you love Ikuya and Hiyori, but especially if you don’t and want to understend them better, I strongly recommend this amazing fic: **Chasing Silver, Chasing Gold** by kinosternon, it’s been an excruciating emotional effort to read and I love it so so so much ♥) 
> 
> I suck at ages and school systems, there’s a lot of underage going on but you do the math if you need numbers ♥
> 
> These two are the ship of dreams. Season 3 is my personal Heaven and Starting Days is my happy place. Also, I live by one Truth and one Truth only aka Ikuya had a the most dramtic and violent crush on Haruka ever and only realised that six billions years too late because denial is the sport he’s actually best at ♥ he’s my boy for a reason ♥ 
> 
> Just to clarify in case the tags are a bit messy, there is no cheating in this fic. Natsuya is and always will be the less monogamous human being on Earth, in my head, and all his partners are aware and fully on board with it. Also, tagging is hard, if you need a very clear recap of the main relationships of this fic you can take a peak at the end note :3
> 
> Very mild warning for equally mildly neglecting parents. I am not a big fan of Mr and Mrs Kirishima, but I don’t dislike them too much either. Also, this fic isn’t dealing with them seriously, it’s totally focused on their disaster sons, so.
> 
> Title from that one amazing poem by Montale, it kinda gives me chills to read it in English, but this is the nicest translation I found.

_« Are we there yet, aniki? »_

_« Almost. »_

_« Mh mh » Ikuya nodds, diligently; and then « How much longer? » he asks, out of curiosity, because he doesn’t really care about anything when he is holding Natsuya’s hand._

_« Just a little bit longer, ‘kay? »_

_The sun’s got nothing on his big brother’s smile._

* * *

Ikuya remembers most things in a greyscale: from a dark, depressing grey to a blurry white-ish mess, soothing and indistinguishable. It is not really a scale, though, there are no ranks of importance or favourite memories; just different ways of being forgettable. 

Bright colours are rare.

Bright colours are painful to look at.

Blue is perhaps the only exception to his neutral mental palette. Blue is also extraordinary painful, at times – like the depths of the ocean, where you drown, _like Haru_ – which is a shame, because, on paper, Ikuya kinda likes it. 

Then there’s whatever colour Nao is, too soft and pure to be anything but himself; Ikuya is fairly sure the first time he stole somebody’s clothes it was Nao’s knitted sweater, the pastel one. He was small, still in elementary school, and Natsuya had shot him a mildly-upset look for the first time ever. Ikuya’s name on his lips had sounded like never before – _‘Ikuya, give that back’_ – but Nao didn’t seem to mind. As Ikuya was staring at his brother in a silent challenge – _take it back and make me cry, aniki, if you dare_ – Nao had simply shushed them both and said Ikuya could have it. Maybe that was the reason why Ikuya had always liked Nao. Maybe that was why when Natsuya had given his _best friend_ a quick kiss on the cheek to thank him, Ikuya couldn’t help but smile. He was born a small angry beast, and a pretty jealous one, too, but he could tell when his brother was happy. Nao was good with ‘happy’. Nao would ruffle Ikuya’s hair affectionately or give him a brotherly bear-crushing hug, and make Ikuya happy, too.

Natsuya’s clothes were Ikuya’s clothes, too, so that never counted as stealing. 

The darkest memory was close to being pitch black. It was that summer Nao was away with his parents and Natsuya had been unbearable the whole time. Or so their parents were saying, because Ikuya was just being his usual self, following his brother like a little shadow, stroking his arm supportively when the older looked particularly sad and shooting a deadly glare at his mother whenever she joked about Natsuya’s bad mood. They had just settled quietly on the sofa, Ikuya curled up on Natsuya’s chest, when his brother got a text. His face lighted up immediately, as he excused himself and ran back to his room. Ikuya didn’t know whether Natsuya hadn’t noticed him tagging along or if _he did_ , but for the first time in his life, Ikuya found himself facing his brother’s room’s door, shut. It took his brain a few seconds to grasp that concept – Natsuya was in a room, Ikuya couldn’t get into that room.

He shook his head, hurt and confused, and went hiding under the covers, knowing his mum would tease him relentlessly for his tears – _‘you're such a silly kid, Ikuya’_ – and then tease Natsuya, too. 

* * *

They don’t talk about that specific day for many years, even during the brief, bright parenthesis in middle school, where things got suddenly tragic and then incredibly better in the space of a season. Not even in the big talk before Natsuya moves to the US.

« Promise me you’re not going far away. » 

« Well, America is quite far. You know that. »

Ikuya has gotten better at holding his brother’s gaze. Natsuya has gotten worse at smiling through his lies – which, to some extent, means he got better at something, too. And to prove that point, Ikuya just stares at him from across the bed, serious face and everything, daring himself not to cry and his brother to keep playing dumb.

« ‘m sorry. » Natsuya admits defeat, after a while, lowering his eyes. « I know what you mean. »

« _Aniki._ » 

Ikuya makes a sound, small and painful, and Natsuya just opens his arms, inviting. The younger crawls on his lap and lets his big brother squeeze him into a hug.

« I’ll miss you so much. » he whispers, burying his face into Ikuya’s hair.

« _Mh_. » Ikuya can only manage.

He presses a kiss on the corner of Natsuya’s lips, where he knows his dimple would be if he were smiling; and Natsuya does smile at that, so Ikuya kisses him again. 

« You’re not getting mad. » Ikuya cannot help but notice out loud.

There has only been one kiss, before – one more than between most siblings, Ikuya realises, but his mother tells him not to compare himself to others all the time, _so_. Ikuya was young enough he’d rather not think about it, and he had simply pressed his lips against his brother’s, not completely sure of what he was doing, but fairly sure of what message he wanted to convey. Natsuya almost fell off the bed in his attempt to retreat from the contact, and Ikuya pouting that _‘but Nao does that all the time!’_ didn’t help his case. 

Natsuya blushes at his remark – what a sight to behold – but he doesn't back off.

« You can give me all the kisses you want. I’ll still be across the world, tomorrow. »

 _We’ll still be too far away to fuck this up_ or _we’ll be so far way it’s worth it to fuck things up now_. Could be either. Ikuya wonders whether his brother doesn't know which one it is or he is simply happy to leave it ambiguous. Plausible deniability, that is the way to go, always has been. Everything between them has meant everything and nothing, they’d mastered the art so well they get lost in it, sometimes.

« Well. » Ikuya tilts his head and straighten his back, arms around Natsuya’s neck, their nose tips touching « Your baby brother wants a proper goodbye. »

The tension in Natsuya’s body is evident. It might be than Ikuya is also making just a little bit of unnecessary pressure on his lap, too, and that denying feelings is much easier than hiding a boner. Oh, well. _Fuck the poetry_.

« _You’ll still be across the world, tomorrow_. » Ikuya mocks him.

« Smartass. » Natsuya grins at him.

« _Tease_. »

« Me?! Look who's talking. » 

« It’s only teasing if you don’t mean it. » Ikuya points out. 

Natsuya’s bed cracks a little under Ikuya’s weight when he’s pressed against it with his back on the mattress. It definitely makes a sound any slightly more attentive parent would notice, the first time Ikuya arches his back and lets himself fall on it again, Natsuya hoovering over him, careful to keep his balance on his hands and knees not to crush his little brother. Ikuya pulls at the sheets as Natsuya moves from sucking bruises on his neck to kissing down his half-exposed chest, not bothering to take off Ikuya’s shirt – _his_ shirt, of course. There’s a series of thuds, Ikuya’s fists hitting the bed frame as he struggles to hold on to something, Natsuya’s mouth hot and greedy as it follows the curve of his hipbones. The older boy takes one of Ikuya’s hands and guides his brother’s fingers until Ikuya’s finally finding some relief in pulling at his hair. And when he does so a bit more sharply, Natsuya rewards him with a satisfied groan. 

« The door- did we lock it- » Natsuya manages to spit out, his cheek pressed to Ikuya’s inner tights, and one hand already tugging at his brother’s underwear. 

Ikuya stares down at him through his eyelashes. He’s never been vain, but the way Natsuya is gawking intently at his face, he can only assume he doesn’t look half-bad – _no, fuck that, he looks fucking gorgeous in brother’s eyes, he always does_.

« Has mum ever come and check on me when I screamed after a nightmare? Has dad? Has _anyone_ _else?_ » 

When he doesn’t get a reply, Ikuya just lays back and thinks he could get used to this kind of goodbyes. Natsuya makes sure it’s a memorable one.

* * *

« - _you could come here, you know._ » Natsuya says, for the umpteenth time during that conversation.

« Aniki. Do you- » Ikuya bit his lips, conflicted, because old habits are hard to die and self-sabotage is perhaps his eldest companion « Do you _want_ me to? »

Life sucks and he didn’t spare his aniki any detail. The friends he thought he had are scattering like broken glass, and Haru won’t swim with him again. He doesn’t tell Natsuya that one thing, specifically, because he is not doing well enough to share, yet. Sharing his brother with Haru, hearing him asking how his friend is doing, picking up on the genuine admiration for the younger swimmer in his voice. And sharing Haru, too. Not that he has much of him to share anyway, but he chose a long time ago to make everything in his life about Natsuya; he’s sure his brother won’t resent him for keeping a couple of things to himself.

Natsuya’s initial enthusiasm for the US has been growing thinner and thinner over the past few weeks. Ikuya _wonders_ , _hopes_ , and feels a constant wave of shame because of it.

« I mean, I’m only saying if _you_ want to. » Natsuya repeats, in a tone that’s so unusual for him.

_Wonders, hopes, maybe feels ashamed, too?_

« I miss you. » Ikuya blurts out.

« Me, too. I hate that no one’s there to take care of you. »

 _And who’s ever taken care of you, aniki?_ , Ikuya finds himself thinking.

« I’m coming. I’ll tell mum and dad as soon as I hang up. »

« Are you sure that’s what you want? »

« You’re there, so... »

« Hurry up. »

* * *

_« I like it here, aniki. »_

_« Yeah? Even if you don’t undestand a word of what the people are saying? »_

_« It’s better. I have an excuse not to talk to anyone. »_

_« Ikuya! » he laughs._

_« What? It’s the truth. » he tighthens his grip on his brother’s arm « I don’t need anyone else. »_

* * *

America is noisy, messy, and uncoordinated for the most part. Ikuya doesn’t fail to notice Natsuya is acting in a way that made both of them hyperaware they’re in charge of themselves. It’s hard to explain. Natsuya fills up paperwork, books the appointments with the doctor, checks that the school and accommodation are paid for regularly; when Ikuya picks up Hiyori, Natsuya’s smile naturally extends to him, and Ikuya can tell Hiyori feels it, too. He now has a big brother. And with that awareness, Ikuya begins to wonder where that subtle yet unmistakable distance between them and their parents come from. Natsuya exudes confidence every step of the way, not the usual kind though: here in the US, a world away from home, he’s become a safe space, reliable and caring and watching every step they take, proving he can take full responsibility for not one, but _two_ teenagers. He wouldn’t do that around their parents, he would never show off they can lean on him like that; he only does it for Ikuya – and by extension, for Hiyori, because that boy is a little ball of anxiety, but every inch of him adores his new surrogate family and he has his own adorable ways to show it. 

At home, Natsuya is fun and loud, playing the part of the cool eldest son, the one who can’t wait to leave the nest and go to see the world.

Ikuya used to think he was the only one feeling some sort of relief coming from their mother, whenever they fight like siblings always do, or the hopeful tone in his father voice when he would say Natsuya wasn’t the reliable type, he would soon be gone god knows where and only send a postcard. _Parents are supposed to know their kids, right?_

So, Ikuya knows for a fact Natsuya would swim back to Japan if he needed him; and swears to himself he’ll never put him in a position where he has to do that. He knows underplaying their relationship is the easiest thing to do _. He knows it’s either that or kissing his brother stupid every time they meet in the school’s hallway._

But _America is noisy, messy, and uncoordinated_ , their parents know better than visiting them often, and Hiyori would gladly tag along to bury a dead body if they asked him to. Ikuya makes a point to sit on his brother’s lap on every occasion and his fingers are permanently glued to the hem of his brother’s jumper when they walk together. _He’s the shy Japanese boy who makes sure his English never gets good enough to engage in important conversations_.

And then it goes really dark again. 

Dark and blue, for a while, his eyes are burning and his head hurts. He doesn’t even want to call Natsuya. Hiyori is the one that is allowed the closest near the real Ikuya, perhaps because there is something dark about him, too, at the time. They sleep in the same bed after the relay, cuddling close and talking themselves to sleep. Ikuya has almost forgotten how much he loved that – they used to fall asleep like this a lot, back in the States. He tells Natsuya, all excited, and he gets the most adoring smile in return. _‘I love to see you happy’_ , he tells Ikuya, who almost asks if he remembers that time Ikuya stole Nao’s sweater.

In retrospective, it’s not a surprise when Ikuya starts making memories he cares about, and they’re not sad and grey, not bright and scary; they’re pastel, soft and gentle to his eyes. 

* * *

« Woah » a voice says from behind him « Watching Nanase swim is still an experience. »

Ikuya rolls his eyes and keeps drying his hair with a towel. He’s done with today’s qualifications and, although Spain is pretty warm this time of the year, he hates leaving with his hair dripping water. He has no idea how his brother managed to sneak into the changing rooms, but he’s surely not surprised. Maybe he’s even competing, one of the next few days. 

« How’s Hiyori? » Natsuya tries again, when he’s ignored.

« Pissed off you ditched our last invitation. How’s Nao? » 

« Pissed off I ditched _his_. » he deadpans, smiling triumphantly when Ikuya can’t help but giggle. 

« You’re a monster. »

« I had a rough last couple of months. »

« I haven’t seen you in 64 days. That’s over two months. »

« That’s some interesting math. Anyway, I’ll treat you to dinner and a romantic walk on the beach? Deal? »

« Maybe I have plans with my friends, you know. »

« Well » Natsuya raises his hands « Free to go and _fifth-wheeling_ the Fantastic Four. »

Ikuya makes an exaggerated sigh, but he does follow Natsuya when he hints at the door. 

« I gotta ask, though. Who’s Mr Fantastic in this metaphor? » 

Natsuya presses a finger to his mouth and actually puts some thought into it. 

« _Oh my god_ »Ikuya whines « I know you and I know that face- I don’t want to know _anything_. Anything. »

« You asked! » the older chuckles. « But I can tell you the Thing would probably be Makoto, although I don’t have any scientific data to back that up. Sadly. »

« Well, thank you, that doesn’t leave too much to my imagination! » Ikuya cries. 

He is perfectly aware Natsuya wouldn’t touch Haru with a six-inch pole, even though they never talked about Ikuya’s overdramatic crush out loud. That doesn't mean he needs too much information on either Matsuoka or his boyfriend.

« I’m just messing with you. They’re all honorary little brothers, to me. »

Ikuya makes a face. 

Natsuya captures his lips in a kiss, ignoring the fact they’re in public, because sometimes kissing the person you’re in love with can’t be helped.

* * *

_« Here? » Ikuya asks._

_« Mh. »_

_« C’mon aniki, you’re doing this on purpose! »_

_« I’m just not...sure-sure. You know. »_

_Ikuya sighs._

_« Will you ever be? »_

_That’s not a real question._

* * *

Berlin sets a new standard.

Ikuya walks into his hotel room and notices the bathroom – or lack of thereof. The room is brand new, black and white furniture and a minimal design Ikuya wouldn’t normally care about, saved it for the fact the sink is more like an eccentric nightstand for how close it is to the bed, still _nothing_ compared to the two see-through glass doors of the shower that is proudly placed right in front of the bed. 

Ikuya breaks into a fit of giggles and he immediately messages Natsuya to hurry the fuck up, adding _‘I bet you’re disgusting and in desperate need of a shower’_. He gets a series of question marks in return.

When Natsuya walks into the room, he finds his brother laying on the bed, arms crossed behind his head and a perfect view of the shower. Natsuya blinks a few times, then hurries out of his clothes, confirming that _yes_ , he really does need a shower. 

They spend the whole weekend fucking. Ikuya doesn’t know how he manages to get out of the room on Monday morning, get to the meeting, _sit for two hours_ , and make it back to the hotel alive. Maybe they should go out for a bit, see the city, breathe some fresh air. The moment he’s back, Natsuya’s arms are around him again, his voice unbearably fond as he tells him how much he missed him in those five hours they’d spent apart; and then, in a slightly less poetic tone, he tells him exactly how he’s going to tear off his clothes piece by piece, throw him on the bed eat his ass. Ikuya has a hard time arguing with his brother on a normal day, and it becomes virtually impossible when Natsuya is fucking him with his tongue. The closest thing to talking back is regaining enough brain cells to free himself from his brother’s grip and flip them over, so Ikuya can ride his dick and take a good look at Natsuya’s face as he slowly loses himself in the feeling of Ikuya hot and tight around him. Ikuya has won a gold medal before, and it still hadn’t felt _like this_. 

Oh, well. They have always preferred night walks and empty streets anyway.

* * *

« Do you remember that summer- » Natsuya’s voice trails off, probably following some complicated thought he doesn’t know how to voice.

« When Nao called? » Ikuya offers. 

Natsuya only looks surprised for a moment. His expression softens as his eyes meet Ikuya’s. He shifts closer on the sofa and puts an arm around his shoulders.

« You were so small. » he murmurs « And I was so scared. And mum was always staring and then dad stopped coming home in-between jobs. »

« ‘cause the breaks were too short. » Ikuya reminds him, smiling bitterly at the memory.

« Do you miss Japan? »

Not _home_ , not _their parents_.

Natsuya knows the answer to those questions already.

« Only when you force me to try a new sushi place. »

« Hey! »

« ‘This one’s good, I swear!’. I wonder if you even remember what real sushi tastes like. »

« _Mean_. »

Natsuya’s pout is a pretty bad act, although Ikuya has seen worse in almost twenty-five years together. He makes a sad face and pops a loud kiss on his brother’s cheek. 

« Better? »

His brother makes a small ‘mh’ sound. Ikuya kisses him on the mouth.

« Now? »

« ‘bit better. » Natsuya murmurs against his lips.

« Just a bit...? » the younger enquires, before nipping at his earlobe, earning a little moan.

Ikuya grins.

« Better, now, aniki? » he asks again, later.

Natsuya’s cheeks are flushed, his pupil blown and he’s panting. He throws his head back against the sofa’s back. Ikuya looks up at him from his spot on the floor, where he’s happily nestled between his brother’s legs, his chin resting on top of Natsuya’s knee. He licks his lips for show, in case Natsuya has somehow forgotten how Ikuya was swallowing every last bit of his release as he came down his throat just moments ago.

« Better. » Natsuya agrees.

* * *

Makoto floods the group chat with pictures of the twins’ first day of kindergarten. Ikuya wakes up to 234 unread messages - mostly hearts from Kisumi e Nagisa, a bunch of actually readable messages, and the notification 'Haru has left the chat'. 

Ikuya wants to be annoyed, but he has always had a soft spot for children. Hiyori never fails to tease him about it, although he has also never made jokes about Ikuya wanting some of his own. He’s observant like that. They still like to fall asleep curled up around each other whenever they’re together. One of the two times he gets drunk in his life (the other one being a New Year's Eve in Paris where Natsuya had kissed him within an inch of his life on top of Montmartre hill), he tells Kisumi about it, for no reason but _Kisumi being Kisumi_ and perhaps a little bit because he’s married to one of his best friends, so Ikuya thinks he’s trustworthy. Kisumi might be drunk, but there is hardly any difference in his demeanour when he’s sober anyway. _‘That’s so sweet!’_ , he squeals in delight. And when Ikuya wonders out loud whether it’s weird, Kisumi gives him a blank stare and goes with the same answer Ikuya has already gotten from the only two people in his life he actually talks to – Natsuya and Nao. 

_It’s only weird if you make it weird_.

He hugs Hiyori extra tight when he leaves Asahi’s birthday party at what feels more like morning than late night, and Hiyori, who’s sober, laughs and holds him just as tight.

« _I love you very much_. » Ikuya whispers as if it’s a big secret.

« I love you, too. » Hiyori whispers back.

Ikuya is vaguely aware of his brother snickering somewhere close to them.

« I love our cuddle piles- » he adds, slumbering a little on the words « E-even if you don’t kiss me. I love ‘em. »

« I can kiss you sometimes, if you want to. »

« Mh mh » Ikuya lets go of Hiyori only a little so he can look at him « Only kissing if you want it. » he explains, solemnly, then points a finger at Hyori’s face and shakes it violently « _Nooooo_ kissing if you don’t want it. »

Behind him, Natsuya must be gasping for air. 

« That’s correct. » Hiyori smiles, then makes Ikuya turn and gently pushes him towards Natsuya, who has got actual tears from laughing « Now, off to the big brother. Kissing is definitely his department. »

« _Mmmh_ » Ikuya obeys, falling into his brother’s arms easily « Byeee Hiyori. » 

Ikuya remembers the sound of his aniki’s laughter and something warm and bright that could have been a sunrise. The rest is lost in his pillow, _no_ , that’s not a pillow, that’s Natsuya’s chest. 

« Where’s Nao? » he mumbles a few hours later, still half-asleep, searching for _his second pillow_ and finding a horrendous empty spot instead.

« Good morning, sunshine. » Natsuya mocks him, but kisses his forehead nonetheless « Unlike us, Nao has a real job, so I suppose that’s where he is. »

Ikuya nods in agreement and falls asleep again. 

* * *

« If you make me late, I swear I’ll- I’ll do nothing because we’ll both be _dead in a ditch_. Nagisa will make sure of it. » 

Ikuya isn't sure how he ended up running for dear life to get ready to attend the wedding of somebody who still calls him _Ikuya-chan_ at the venerable age of twenty-eight. Somehow, he knows it could all be traced back to be Makoto’s fault. 

« I’m basically ready! » Natsuya shouts from his old bedroom.

Ikuya hardly misses Iwatobi, but there is something achingly sweet in revisiting their childhood home together, and for such an occasion. It isn't even the first wedding they attended in Iwatobi, of course. For a moment, Ikuya gets lost in the memory of when Haru called him – Nanase Haruka spontaneously inflicting a phone call upon himself – to tell him about the wedding. Makoto, that wonderful human being responsible for the majority of Ikuya’s social life, once had managed to slip in casual conversation that he was the only person Haru had wanted to call alone. Ikuya had given himself two seconds to panic, still too scared of himself to get in touch with his actual feelings, until he had finally managed to let go and look: _and he was happy,_ happy for them, happy for Haru, and happy for himself, for being someone Haru would call when he got engaged. He didn’t tell anyone, not even Natsuya, as per Haru and Makoto’s wish. When Natsuya got the news, it only took one look at his little brother to know _he knew_.

And _Haru made Ikuya happy_ , so his aniki just smiled at him.

« Why I don’t belie- »

Ikuya stops in the middle of the corridor, starstruck, mouth falling open. Natsuya’s expression mirrors his, so, for a moment, there’s only silence and a quiet, mutual deal not to touch each other until the end of the ceremony.

« You- uhm, you look- » Natsuya swallows a few inappropriate compliments.

« _Nice_. » Ikuya settles for.

« Yeah, _definitely_ what I was thinking. »

« _Aniki_. »

They burst into laughter, but keep some distance nonetheless. 

« Hey » Natsuya asks, casually, as they are about to leave « Do you ever think about...what would it be like... » he clenches his jaw, and Ikuya takes his hand.

« To have a day like this? »

« Yes. »

« Not really, no. » Ikuya shrugs. « I’d rather think about the next time we’ll go hiking in Austria. Or take that nice ferry from Stockholm. And you still haven’t brought me to Vancouver. I want to swim in the ocean on New Year’s Eve. »

Natsuya squeezes his hand back. 

* * *

_« Just so you know. » Ikuya begins, looking elsewhere._

_« What? » Natsuya asks, recognising the tone for ‘deep shit Ikuya doesn’t like to dwell on’_

_« I don’t really need a place. A home, I mean. »_

_« Oh. » Natsuya blinks, but it’s clear he’s a bit at loss._

_« I know you’re doing it for me. You try so hard to feel at home in every place we move to. But I know you don’t care. I know you need change, new places to see. That’s who you are. »_

_« Ikuya- »_

_« So. You don’t really want a home and I...I already have mine. Always had. »_

_Ikuya meets his brother’s eyes, a little shyness there, but no hesitation. He can tell Natsuya’s whole body is relaxing as he takes in the meaning of those words. He leans forward and kisses Ikuya on the lips. It’s gentle and warm, the only bright colour Ikuya has never been scared of, the only one he has ever wanted to see._

_« I love you. »_

_« I love you too, aniki. »_

**Author's Note:**

> _Ah, that hotel in Berlin :")_
> 
> Extremely subtle reference to _Gundam IBO_ because why not. 
> 
> Writing about Ikuya and Haru and wedding annoucements brought back some lovely memories. Like, when my (paternal) grandma causually said over pizza “can you believe you cousin (from mum’s side) is getting married?” and I was like “MY COUSIN IS WHAT-” so she gave me this genuinely puzzled look and added “yes, you know, because his girlfiend is pregnant...?” and that’s when I choked on my pizza and died. This account is run by my ghost.
> 
>  **Relationships recap for those who stress a lot unless they know exaclty what’s going on, LIKE ME** :  
> \- Ikuya & Natsuya are in a romantic and sexual relationship  
> \- Natsuya & Nao are in a romantic and sexual relationship  
> \- Ikuya & Nao sadly share a stupid boyfriend (they sleep in the same bed at some point in the fic, but it’s completely platonic when it’s the three of them together)  
> \- Ikuya & Hiyori have a romantic and non-sexual relationship (I believe a word for it would be queerplatonic? Please correct me if I’m wrong), this fic falls under the ace!Hiyori side of my headcanons :3


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